I fully appreciate that there are those of you out there who contemplate the prospect of flirting with, talking to or even making eye-contact with a guy with something approaching genuine horror. Relax, you’re actually in the majority. The fact is, relatively few women relish the thought of consciously approaching a guy with a view to either asking him out or letting him know they’re interested. Most women take a less strategic approach to dating and tend not to actively pursue a particular man.
But then again, most women don’t have the benefit of a reliable astrological profile of the man they’ve set their sights on.
If the thought of your impending romantic task sends a cold chill down your spine, here are seven confidence-boosting tips certain to give you the psychological edge you’re looking for.
Seven Confidence Boosters
Confidence Booster 1
It helps to act confident. Imagine how a confident person would approach the situation. What would their posture be like? How would they talk? What would they say?
Now try to adopt this imagined confident person’s bearing. By acting confident (and, by the way, most confident people are doing just that: acting), you will find that you enter a confident mind state.
It’s not easy to maintain this act, but you only need to keep it up long enough to strike up a conversation; once you’re talking and having a good time, you’ll naturally relax into a comfortable and confident frame of mind.
Confidence Booster 2
Imagine the guy you’re about to talk to has just experienced an embarrassing situation and isn’t yet fully recovered. Imagine, for example, that his pants fell down in an important meeting, revealing Spongebob underwear. He’s mortified and desperate for someone to say something to him, anything, that doesn’t refer to his recent humiliation.
The fact is, this guy will have been embarrassed, at some point. He will have said the wrong thing at the wrong time. He will have forgotten to zip up his pants. He will have tripped over crossing the street. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. In a nutshell, he’s only human. And for ‘human’, read: silly, vulnerable, clumsy…
Confidence Booster 3
Practice ‘belly breathing’. This is very relaxing. Basically, you breathe slowly and deeply, but instead of your chest rising and falling, your belly should expand and contract. It looks a little weird, so it’s probably best to do it somewhere private! This particular technique helps to relax your diaphragm: the source of all those unpleasant little jitters which can cause all manner of anxieties and negative what-ifs to come crawling out of your subconscious.
Confidence Booster 4
Put it all behind you. Imagine you’ve already talked to the guy and it went well. Really imagine it. Don’t go overboard, though; be realistic. Just imagine him talking to you, listening to you, nodding, smiling, his body language positive. Really visualize it, the sights, the sounds, even the smells.
Visualizing a successful outcome is one of the most effective and frequently used confidence-building techniques. People who speak publicly for a living use it all the time.
Confidence Booster 5
See Flirting Tip 6. Feeling good can make all the difference to your confidence levels. When you feel good, you behave in a relaxed and positive manner. In fact, it’s difficult not to be at least a little confident.
Confidence Boost 6
Prior to ‘making your move’, spend a few minutes contemplating a time when things went particularly well for you, a time when you were happy and content or enthusiastic and energized. It might have been while you were on vacation, lazing on the beach with a good book, listening to the gentle lapping of the waves. Or maybe it was in the moments following a personal triumph.
Just close your eyes and revisit this scene. Recall the sights and sounds, feel now how you felt then. You’ll feel your stress levels ebbing away and your confidence rising.
Confidence Boost 7
Avoid excessive navel-gazing. It’s a good thing to evaluate and reevaluate our lives from time-to-time. If we didn’t we’d soon find ourselves stuck in a rut. However, an excess of introspection can only increase our self-consciousness, and nothing undermines our confidence more than too much self-awareness.
We are most often at our best as people when circumstances force us to act without thought, when spontaneity is thrust upon us. When we aren’t trying to achieve or impress but simply do, we can really shine.
So, as you approach your task, try not to think about what you are about to do, or whether or not you are likely to succeed or what-if this, that or the other. Instead, observe things going on around you. Look at what other people are doing. Take note of things you don’t usually pay attention to; things like: the quality of the light, the way the hubbub of conversations, telephones ringing, the tapping of fingers on keyboards etc coalesces into an ambient whole.
By taking your focus and shifting it from inward to outward, you’ll find your lack of confidence becomes less significant and, consequently, becomes easy to manage.
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