According to most dating websites, there are some questions that you simply shouldn’t ask a man on the first date. Indeed, there are questions you shouldn’t ask a man on the second, third, fourth or perhaps any date. Questions like:

  • Are you any good in bed?
  • How much money do you make?
  • What are your views on marriage?
  • How many kids do you want?

The infuriating thing is, these are the questions you really need to know the answers to! These are the kind of questions which, depending on the answers, may well have you heading for the door, feigning the symptoms of the Ebola virus.

So, what we’re going to do, here at The Astrology of Love website, is ask these questions to a theoretical sample of each of the 12 signs of the zodiac, from Aries through to Pisces. In each case, we’ll be dealing with a typical example of each star sign. So, no shy Leos, sexually disinterested Scorpios or vanilla Geminis. Just your through-and-through, dyed-in-the-wool zodiac men.

Okay. Here we go. Interview number one.

Introducing our Aries man.

Let’s call him Jason.

So, you’re sitting in a Moroccan restaurant, eating couscous and something sweet and a little bit spicy (and maybe a little too chewy) that Jason tells you he’s never tried before but he’s been meaning to for ages. Because Jason is an Aries man and has an adventurous palette.

You: Okay, Jason. Let’s cut to the chase. What are you like between the sheets?

Jason: Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s always good to get this kind of thing out of the way as early on as possible. Helps avoid disappointment later, when you’re already emotionally invested in the relationship.

You: My thoughts precisely. So? What are like in bed, Jason?

Jason: Well. I enjoy sex. Like, a lot. I like it spontaneous and energetic–

You: Let me interrupt you there, Jason. Did I express an interest in what you like?

Jason (thinking): I guess not.

You: That’s right. I didn’t say “What do you like in bed?” I asked “What are you like in bed?”

Jason: Fair enough. Okay. I’m pretty good. I’m a feet-first kind of guy–

You: Yuck. And ouch!

Jason: No… not literally. I mean, I kind of plunge in… I mean… You know what I mean.”

You: Sure, sure. Carry on.

Jason: I’m a kind of grab-you-and-have-you sort of guy.

You: So, you like to be in charge?

Jason: Yeah. Pretty much. But that doesn’t mean I want you to be submissive. And I’m perfectly happy for you to go on top.

You: What about foreplay?

Jason: What about what-play?

You: Foreplay. You know, the stuff that happens before the plunging?

Jason: Oh, that. Well, if I’m being completely honest, for me it’s more about the plunging.

You (rolling your eyes): Well, I suppose we can always work on that. Next question. How much money do you make.

Jason: Well, I’m a Project Manager for an IT company. I took home something like $90,000 last year, including bonuses.

You (already forgetting about the foreplay thing): Really? So you must have a pretty impressive savings account?

Jason: It’s in reasonably good shape. Could be better.

You: Could be better how?

Jason: Well, I can be a little bit impetuous when it comes to spending. I have a car and three motorcycles (one of which I’ve never actually taken out on the road… although i have sat on it and made brrrm-brrrm noises). And I’ve parted with a small fortune in helicopter flying lessons. And as soon as jetpacks go into mass production, I’ll be first in the queue, jumping up and down and waving my credit card.

You (sighing and thinking about the foreplay thing again): Next question. What are your views on marriage?

Jason: I don’t have a problem with it as such.

You: As such?

Jason: It’s a great institution.

You: I don’t mean generally. I mean what are your views on marriage for you?

Jason (his eyes flick toward the nearest exit): Me?

You: Yes, Jason. You?

Jason: Well, I’m not saying I never want to get married. It would just have to be to the right person. The kind of person who doesn’t take marriage too seriously, for example.

You: Please tell me you’re not talking about an ‘open marriage’ here?

Jason (having the decency to look a little embarrassed but still eyeing the nearest exit): Well, they do work for some people…

You: So, I take it kids are not your thing, either?

Jason: I like kids. But I couldn’t eat a whole one!

You (extremely not laughing): Well, at least you’ve got the whole ‘dad humour’ thing going on.

Jason: I’m a bit conflicted when it comes to kids. I kind of like the idea of leading my little clan on camping expeditions and the whole Little League thing, all that stuff. But it’s hard to be spontaneous when you’ve got ankle-biters depending on you for everything.

You (sighing): Well, Jason, it’s been fun. I’ll be in touch. Possibly. But.. uh… you know, possibly not.

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