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It’s December, the most wonderful time of the year, and Christmas is creeping up on us once more, with all the dread inevitability of Krampus.

But in a good way, obviously.

To be honest though, much as we all love Christmas, it is a pretty damn stressful time. There’s all those relatives descending on you like a plague of grudge-bearing locusts. You know: Uncle So-and-So isn’t speaking to Auntie Such-and-Such ever since he made that disparaging remark about her teenage son’s acne putting him off his pizza. That kind of thing.

Then there’s the fact that you haven’t slept much since mid-November when your next door neighbor first powered-up his Christmas lights. In the small hours of the morning, you’re sure you can hear them humming.

And then there’s all that food. Impossible quantities of food. Enough food to feed a crowd scene from Gladiator. And you know most of it’s going to end up in the refrigerator until it grows a blue-green beard and you finally scrape into the trash. Or worse, you’re going to eat more of it than you should and how come these pants don’t fit me anymore? I only bought them in November!

The last thing you need is the additional stress of trying to figure out what gifts to buy for whom.

Thankfully, that’s where we come in. If you’re completely at sea when it comes to gift-buying, you can always use your prospective gift recipient’s star sign as a guide to what to buy.

Let’s take a look.

What Christmas Present to Buy an Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Aries are trail-blazers. They’re also born leaders. These are the people who are always first in line, and the first to see and hear the latest releases. Give them a ticket to a brand new show that’s just opened in town, that way they get to be the first to see it — and guaranteed, when the doors open, they’ll be there!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Taurus loves to be pampered. They love to be spoiled. Treat them to a day at a spa or a facial or massage at their local beauty salon. Failing that, find the biggest box of top-quality chocolates you can — you are bound to see your Taurus act more kitten-like than bull-like!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Gemini (May 21 – June 21)

Gemini is the true culture-vulture. These people love the arts: opera, ballet, and the symphony. Buy your Gemini a ticket for one of these performances, and you’ll be guaranteed to hear about it — in Gemini’s inimitable way — for the rest of the year!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Cancer people are home-makers, and home-lovers — and very often great cooks! Anything to do with the home or garden will be a bit hit. A pretty basket filled with cooking herbs, spices, oils, and condiments is be one gift your Cancer will adore.

What Christmas Present to Buy a Leo (July 23 – August 22)

No one in the world is as important to a Leo as he or she is! You must buy something that’s very much about Mr. or Ms Leo. Furs, jewels, and fine lingerie are a few suggestions. Just make sure your gift isn’t something that’s used around the home!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Virgo is the “serving” sign of the Zodiac. This is the person who will be delighted to receive a card from a charity informing her (or him) that in lieu of a gift this year a needy farmer in Africa will be receiving a goat.

What Christmas Present to Buy a Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Libra is all about balance and harmony, Yin and Yang, mind and body. Most Librans like to look good, so membership to a local fitness centre will be very much appreciated; or perhaps a new pair of running shoes or yoga pants.

What Christmas Present to Buy a Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Scorpio — as they are probably tired of hearing — are the dark mysterious (not to mention sexy) members of the Zodiac. If you’re on intimate terms with your Scorpio then buy her (or him) a gift that just the two of you can enjoy when you’re alone behind closed doors. If your Scorpio is your mother-in-law, however, then perhaps you’d better make it a fine silk scarf — in a daring and sexy color, of course!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Sagittarius loves to travel. Buy your Sagittarius a weekend break somewhere they’ve never been before; or if they’ve got a trip planned, then a new travel case or piece of luggage. These Zodiac types can be daring, too, so a trip in a hot air balloon would be one they’d remember for quite a while!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

These are the perfectionists of the Zodiac, so this might be difficult. However, if you do put a little effort into a great gift, no one will appreciate it more than Capricorn! These people like to save for a rainy day, so perhaps an unusual piggy bank could be just the thing.

What Christmas Present to Buy an Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarius people love gadgetry, so they’ll want anything technological that’s new on the market. It doesn’t have to be expensive or useful: as long as it’s new and requires batteries, they’ll want it!

What Christmas Present to Buy a Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Pisces are the dreamers of the astrological world. How about buying them their own star? These aren’t the Zodiac types who have to be surrounded by materials possessions, so having a star named after him or her would be one gift they’d love. Pisces people are also big animal lovers, so you could adopt an animal for your Pisces as part of a wildlife conversation project; that would work just as well.

So, that’s one thing taken care of at least. So relax. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, remember?

Seriously.

Here’s a countdown timer. You know, just to help out:

Countdown to Stressmas... Sorry: Christmas.

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